Family

We never lost him!

As most of you know we have Baby Loss Awareness week (9-15 October). Almost all week I was struggle if I should write this post or not. In the end I decided to share my story with you. I hope it will help other people who lost a baby.

week-awa

I know that you probably think that I’m one of this mothers who lost their little ones. Honestly, I’m not. But I have something to say. Three years ago I became a godmother of beautiful boy. It should be something that bringing a joy in to your life. But it wasn’t. OK maybe I will back to beginning. My sister delivered her son in 26th week. It wasn’t so bad according to doctor. Unfortunately he weighted only 650 grams. What I can’t understand is why nobody saw it when she had scans. Maybe if we knew we could help him? There is million questions. But surely there is only one thing that I know in one day our lives changed forever.

Our little boy was very strong and he was fighting. Every day he was showing us that he want to live. He got sepsis…twice. But still he was managed to fight. Before I couldn’t imagine how little baby can be strong. Unfortunately there was too many thing which get him. After two months he died.

baby-1629091_960_720

I don’t need to say how devastated my sister was. Our whole family was. Apart my sister and her husband I was the only one who saw him before he died. Obviously in hospitals they don’t like crowds. And other members of my family said that it’s too much for them and they didn’t want to see him. I know why and I understand them. From the first days doctors said that probably he will not make it. Of course we didn’t want to hear it but we knew. Finally we was scared that we will get use to his presence.

Anyway when I saw him I felt in love. He was so small and innocent. I was crying, praying and asking why. Why my sister, why my family, why our little boy. He deserved to live. He deserve to be loved. I bet that every family who was in that position felt the same.

When he died I wrote a letter to him and ask my sister to put it to his coffin. You can laugh but I believe that one day he will read it. He need to know how much his aunty loves him. Also I believe that he takes care of us. You maybe will ask how I know that? My sister was told that she will not have more babies. He should be the only one. But today after three years she is a mother of beautiful girl. She is in the same age us my little boy:) I think that he send us that little miracle.

angell

What’s more I think that from time to time our little angel is coming to visit us. Because how you can explain that my son is smiling to ceiling? Simple his little cousin is here and playing with him. I told that to my sister and she said that she thinks that he is coming to his little sister as well:)

Believe or not but he is our guardian angel. And…we didn’t lost him. Maybe he is not on the planet Earth but he live somewhere there up up in the sky. And he is waiting for us. One day we will be together.

If you lost your baby remember that you are not the only one. Your all family lost that baby. Be with them, talk about it. Don’t push yourself in black deep depression. It’s important to know that our little angels are always with us. It doesn’t matter in what form.
Please feel free to share your stories in comments.

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60 Comments

  • Reply Kari (Happy Coconuts Travel Blog)

    So very sorry for your loss but I do believe in guardian angels, he is around you all the time watching over 🙂

    15 October 2016 at 18:28
  • Reply kristin mccarthy

    Very touching post- after carrying identical twins to term my whole perspective on the fragile balance of life in regards to pregnancy and birth changed drastically. This post is so heartbreaking.

    15 October 2016 at 18:38
    • Reply ohmummymia

      Oh yes it’s really fragile balance. When I was pregnant I was terrified on our every scan and when I knew that baby’s heart is beating I was able to calm down

      15 October 2016 at 18:42
  • Reply Ivonne

    What a sad and very touching story! This is a subject that I just can’t wrap my mind around; loosing a precious little angel. So sorry for your tremendous loss and although you can’t see him he will be around forever watching over you all with tremendous love!

    15 October 2016 at 18:41
    • Reply ohmummymia

      Yes I really believe in it:)

      15 October 2016 at 18:47
  • Reply Internationalcaty

    I am so sorry for your family loss.

    15 October 2016 at 21:31
  • Reply Nellwyn

    I’m so sorry for your loss! Thank you for sharing your story, I think it could help others going through a similar tragedy.

    15 October 2016 at 21:46
  • Reply Cricket Plunkett

    Thank you for sharing this, very moving

    15 October 2016 at 22:36
  • Reply Agnes

    So sorry for your loss, you are very strong for sharing this story. Wishing you the best for your family

    16 October 2016 at 02:05
  • Reply Amber Myers

    I am so sorry for your loss. I think it’s good when people can talk about things like this. It can help others.

    16 October 2016 at 02:34
  • Reply The Savvy Age

    His sister has a guardian angel indeed – thank you for sharing ~

    16 October 2016 at 02:36
  • Reply Rose

    I suffered through 2 miscarriages so I understand the pain to a certain point. I like that we have this so that more people can speak up and support each other.

    16 October 2016 at 04:30
  • Reply Katy - Hot Pink Wellingtons

    I’m so sorry for your loss. I think so often people can forget that a baby is not only the child of the parents, but a grandchild, a sister, a nephew. Thank you for sharing your story, I’m sure it will be really helpful to people out there going through a similar experience. Thank you for joining us at #SharingtheBlogLove

    16 October 2016 at 14:05
  • Reply Lizzy

    Sending soooo much love to you and your family. Thank you for your bravery and courage in sharing your story! <3

    16 October 2016 at 15:12
  • Reply Anna nuttall

    I’m sorry for your loss, I’ve been there so I know how you feel. Sending you a virtual hug. xx

    16 October 2016 at 18:12
  • Reply Sassy

    I’m sorry for your loss, but I know that your family is so much stronger now, especially since you have a little angel guarding you everyday <3 Sending you love across the interwebs <3

    16 October 2016 at 19:01
  • Reply Ruxandra

    I am so sorry for your loss…thank you for sharing such an emotional story with us

    16 October 2016 at 21:21
  • Reply Jenna

    That is such a sweet, sad story. I believe he is watching over you too!

    16 October 2016 at 22:13
  • Reply Janine Good

    I’m sad about your nephew. He is an angel always around watching and listening. He has read your letter. I can feel it. <3

    17 October 2016 at 02:10
  • Reply My Shopping Diet

    I’m so sorry for your loss. As a nurse I saw many little peanuts in the NICU. So fragile and tiny. Hugs

    17 October 2016 at 02:37
  • Reply Dawn McAlexander

    I am so sorry for your loss. Your story is very touching, though. It’s always goof to know that someone that has passed on is still somehow with us in spirit.

    17 October 2016 at 03:07
  • Reply Carly

    I am so sorry for your loss. How brave of you to share the story. I am so sure it will help others.
    #Sharingthebloglove

    17 October 2016 at 10:49
  • Reply Taylor Mobley

    My parents lost a baby in between my sister and I. We all felt the loss of my little brother. It can be hard on a family but it can also bring you closer together.

    17 October 2016 at 15:00
  • Reply Lou Lou Girls

    I’m so sorry! Thank you for sharing your story, it will help so many moms out there!

    17 October 2016 at 16:12
  • Reply Gryselle Mae

    I’m sorry for your sister’s and for your family’s loss. That is indeed heartbreaking. 🙁
    But I am sure he is in good hands now. 🙂

    xoxo, G
    http://moreliketwins.com

    17 October 2016 at 16:20
  • Reply Shelby Bromley

    My heart goes out to you and your family. This must have been hard to share.

    17 October 2016 at 18:24
  • Reply Jennifer

    Very sorry for your loss. This was difficult for me to read, as I lost a baby two months ago. The great pain and sadness never goes away. It gets a little easier to deal with it as time goes on, but I know I still cry at least twice a week. It’s very difficult. Thank you for sharing your story.

    17 October 2016 at 19:24
    • Reply ohmummymia

      I’m really sorry for your loss but remember that it can be a little bit easier if you will talk about with someone

      17 October 2016 at 20:30
  • Reply Shane

    I am so very sorry to hear of your loss. Grateful you got this precious two months <3

    17 October 2016 at 22:24
  • Reply Idriss

    My heart goes to you and your family. My sincere condolences

    18 October 2016 at 01:16
  • Reply Laura - dear bear and beany

    I’m sorry for your loss. My SIL lost her baby at 7 mths old and it was the hardest thing our family had gone through. That baby meant so much to so many people. Thank you for sharing your story. Thank you for joining us at #SharingtheBlogLove x

    18 October 2016 at 12:30
  • Reply Neha

    So sorry for your family’s loss, may god give all the strength to your sister. And thanks for sharing a heartfelt an personnel story , you are keeping the baby alive in your memories.

    18 October 2016 at 17:29
  • Reply Kellie - Hooray for Moms

    My hearts aches for your sister, you, and the entire family. And I don’t find it silly in the least that you wrote him a letter – I too believe he will read it. No doubt. Thank you for sharing this, I know it wasn’t easy…

    18 October 2016 at 20:18
  • Reply Jody at Six Little Hearts

    It’s so sad that these things happen. Babies come to us surrounded in so much love. To have that torn away is devastating.
    I lost a baby girl to an ectopic pregnancy. (My third pregnancy.) For years after, I sensed (and even saw her!) in our lives. I had 5 kids before deciding to have a sixth. As soon as I conveived my last child (a daughter), I felt as if my lost baby had returned to us. I have never sensed our lost one in ‘spirit’ again but do firmly believe she is lying in m bed next to me right now. X

    18 October 2016 at 21:38
    • Reply ohmummymia

      Thank you for your comment:) I’m sure that your little girl is with you:) I truly believe in this

      19 October 2016 at 21:19
  • Reply A Mum Track Mind

    I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. Thank you for sharing though as baby loss has such an effect on the whole family. #fortheloveofBLOG

    19 October 2016 at 10:37
  • Reply Life Loving

    So many brave people have come forward and shared their sad stories in this week. I hope that everyone can find comfort from the celebration of their memory. Big hugs to you and your sister.

    Sally @ Life Loving
    #LifeLovingLinkie

    19 October 2016 at 13:26
  • Reply Devon Mama

    What a touching piece. I’m so sorry to hear of your sister and all of your loss but so happy to hear of her daughter. To have a guardian angel must bring you some peace. I hope it encourages others to talk about their losses too.

    19 October 2016 at 21:59
  • Reply James Hopes

    Such a sad story but glad you’ve found some peace in knowing that he is still there with you all in his own special way. #KCACOLS

    19 October 2016 at 23:52
  • Reply Katrina

    I am sorry for your lost and I cannot imagine the pain this would bring on you and your family. You are right about the fact he is your little guardian angel and you will be reunited again <3

    20 October 2016 at 04:40
  • Reply The Unsung Mum

    Oh that’s so sad. I really feel for you and your family. Well done for raising awareness. Thanks so much for linking up at #KCACOLS.

    20 October 2016 at 12:56
    • Reply ohmummymia

      thank you for your comment

      21 October 2016 at 19:24
  • Reply Su {Ethan & Evelyn}

    I am so sorry for your loss. It is really hard to come to terms with. I think he is looking after you all and be your guardian angel. His little sister will be very proud of him I am sure. <3

    Thank you so much for linking up with us on #FabFridayPost

    20 October 2016 at 14:40
    • Reply ohmummymia

      thank you for your answer 🙂

      21 October 2016 at 19:23
  • Reply Mummy and Monkeys

    So sad reading this, my Mum lost twins when I was around 10 and I can still remember it. I have personally lost a baby but it was an earlier miscarriage. Thanks for linking to #PickNMix
    Eilidh x

    20 October 2016 at 16:37
    • Reply ohmummymia

      Every loos is hard even if it is earlier miscarriage

      21 October 2016 at 19:23
  • Reply Rainbows are too beautiful

    What can I say. Thank you for sharing I’m so sorry for your loss. #kcacols

    20 October 2016 at 19:03
  • Reply Louise- Mummy Miller

    Thank you for sharing this story, I’m so sorry for your loss. I am so glad your sister managed to have another child even though she was told she wouldn’t, he is obviously looking out for his mummy. #KCACOLS

    20 October 2016 at 21:19
    • Reply ohmummymia

      They even told to her that she should try in vitro fertilization and doctor who was treat them said that was a miracle 🙂

      21 October 2016 at 19:22
  • Reply OddHogg

    Beautifully written. A loss affects not only the parents, I believe everyone is touched by it. Thanks so much for linking up at #KCACOLS. Hope you come back again next Sunday

    20 October 2016 at 22:18
    • Reply ohmummymia

      Of course that’s true it was such a big tragedy for all of us and when I was pregnant I all the time was thinking about it and I was quite stressed

      21 October 2016 at 19:20
  • Reply Mackenzie Glanville

    oh honey so sorry for you and your sister, and so happy you both have healthy children now and a beautiful one waiting in Heaven. I lost 3 babies during pregnancy and I believe they are waiting for me xx #kcacols

    21 October 2016 at 07:54
    • Reply ohmummymia

      Of course they are:)

      21 October 2016 at 19:19
  • Reply Tracey Bowden

    I am so sorry for your loss. It really does affect the whole family and I believe one day he will read your letter and know how much you loved him.
    Thanks so much for linking up at #KCACOLS. Hope you come back again next Sunday

    21 October 2016 at 17:23
    • Reply ohmummymia

      Thank you for your kind words

      21 October 2016 at 19:18
  • Reply Madeline (This Glorious Life)

    I’m so sorry for your family’s loss. But I love that you all take comfort from that feeling that he is still around, looking out for you all. I do believe that our children can see things that us adults can’t. x #KCACOLS

    21 October 2016 at 18:34
    • Reply ohmummymia

      Yes I believe in it as well:)

      21 October 2016 at 19:17
  • Reply The Hippy Christian Mum

    Aw that’s so sad but what a lovely way to still feel a connection to him, I think that’s really imortant. Thanks for sharing. #KCACOLS

    21 October 2016 at 23:06
  • Reply Kat

    So sorry to hear of this loss but you have really made this into a beautiful story. I’m sure one day he will read your letter and he is watching over you and seeing the love that your family have for each other. #kcacols

    22 October 2016 at 06:47
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