Every day I hear that some Mom have postnatal depression or struggle with anxiety. It’s not a big surprise for me because I had the same problem. I didn’t want to admit that something is wrong with me because I was afraid I can lose my baby or someone will think I’m crazy. When my HV saw that something is not right I said I’m OK and that’s only my hormones. She wrote down ‘baby blues’. I was glad she didn’t want to talk about it and she changed the topic. But today I think I could ask for help maybe conversation or any other support could make a big difference. On the beginning of my motherhood journey, I was crying a lot, I wasn’t patient and I saw everything in dark colours. Now I can’t believe I was so depressed because my son is the loveliest baby I know.
Now I know I wanted to be too perfect. I wanted to do everything as should be. I wanted to have easy labour (as every Mom) but it was a f*cking horror. I wanted to breastfeed but after 2 months long battle I fed up. Everything went not like I planned. But it was really so bad? No, it wasn’t but when you read on the Internet how bad Mom you are because you are not breastfeeding it making you feel like a sh*t. As a first time Mom, I knew nothing about motherhood. I didn’t know how to take care of the baby. I didn’t know how often he should eat, what he should wear, how he should sleep. So I wanted to follow my instinct. But it’s so hard when you hear so many different opinions. Your Mom, aunt, neighbor, sister, friend, literally everyone has something to say.
What questions annoyed me the most?
- Don’t you think your baby is eating too much?
- Don’t you think your baby is too fat?
- This time your baby should sleep through the night.
- Why do you not prepare baby’s food by yourself?
- Why your baby is drinking something else than milk?
- Are you breastfeeding right?
- Did you loose your weight?
There was much more. How you can not struggle with anxiety if everyone tries to tell you that you suck. You are not good Mom enough. They don’t want to understand that everyone is different. You don’t have a manual for babies. Everyone is parenting in a different way.
So now as a Mom who struggles with anxiety I have something to say to you. Do not listen, other people, unless they want to really help you. You don’t need to be perfect to be a good Mom. Do what is best for you and your family. If does it mean you need to stop breastfeeding, you need to share your bed or introducing solid food in jars than do it. Do not hesitate to make a decision that suits your family. You can’t make everyone happy but you can make your family happy and it’s the only thing what matters. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. You are not the only one. You are not the first one. But you will beat that s*it and you will be yourself again. You will cherish your motherhood as same as me.
If you have any question please do not hesitate to ask. Share your experience 🙂